Now imagine that world torn apart by the savagery of war, humanity oppressed and our children's children born into slavery. Consider yourself warned. Politicians from two countries, one of them our own, have hinted at an ominous future to which we cannot afford to turn a blind eye.
A future, in which our world has been taken over by Klingons.
Crazy? Not if you ask Congressman David Wu. In a statement from the floor of the House, Congressman Wu made Oregon proud by shining light on a shocking truth: that President Bush's administration is already acting in line with the best interests of the Klingon people.
And he's right. Dead right. If we're going to unite as a planet and repel the coming threat, the time to act is now.
But not according to Finnish Parliamentarian Jyrki Kasvi. In yet another indication that our planet's political backbone will be crushed by the Klingons' insurmountable prowess, Kasvi has created a campaign website written entirely in Klingonese, the native language of the Klingon people.
In fact, the website translates into English, Swedish, Finnish, and Klingonese – which really covers the bases of all possible future conquerors.
Lessons learned from the 2004 Election show us that there are indeed votes in the Klingon Lobby. But, to the brave politicians out there: don't sell out to the Klingons yet. We still have some fight left in us, and Klingon passports won't do us any good until we return to space.
Moving on for a moment, this news just came to my attention: a New York restaurant has concocted a $1,000 pizza with fresh lobster and no fewer than six kinds of caviar. Each slice costs $125. Each bite? You don't want to know.
But don't let this roundabout tactic fool you: this is just the first strike in the coming war against college students and campaign staffers everywhere. And this is just New York. It won't be long before the West Coast sees the "Endangered Pizza," featuring the meat of the Blue Whale and California Condor.
Whether we are fated to invasion by Klingons or designer pizzas, I can't say. But with brave leaders like Congressman Wu, unafraid to speak truth to power, you can be assured that we will be ready.
