The 7th E: Enshrinement of Intellectual Property

Though you wouldn't know it from looking at me, I am actually a somewhat vigilant citizen. As a result, I feel that I must bring some examples of COPYRIGHT MALFEASANCE to the attention of the internet community. Unfortunately, due to limited time, resources, and interest, it is unlikely that these cases be investigated further.

EXHIBIT A: The 6 Es

• Spiritual Growth Plan
  
• Character education, complements of Dr. Kevin Ryan
• My personal favorite, Charlie Grapski for the Florida House. No idea what happened in the campaign, as all web activity ceases in July of '06. Not a good sign. Indeed, there is more to follow: YouTube, where would we be without you? I especially like the soundtrack, which I’m pretty sure is from V for Vendetta. I wonder if Warner Bros. minds... Anyway, here's some more of Charlie's pursuit of election reform. With a vengeance. Or is it vendetta?
  

EXHIBIT B: Tour de France – courtesy of our southern friends. [Note: I will not be commenting on the rumors that the Bus will be adding "Exclusion" to their own 6 E's.]

EXHIBIT C: Wow. Windows Vista

You’d think Windows, which has a couple of resources at its disposal, could come up with a killer marketing campaign for their most revolutionary operating system redesign of this millennium. Turns out, a Bus isn't that bad a way to do things. Right down to the logo. [By the way, I've been on the road between Nashville and Murfreesboro—known to the natives simply as "Murfburr"—and there ain't much out there. Except, evidently, the Windows Vista Bus. Have they lost their bus and need help finding it?]

And finally, EXHIBIT D: going straight for the jugular

• I’m all for making KC a cleaner place to live, but I’m not sure how to live more efficiently. I do, however, thoroughly enjoy making fun of funny grammar, especially when it appears on websites or billboards
• Can’t go wrong with a “Vote with your Butt” Campaign. Or can you...
• Clean energy comes to Canada!
• Quite possibly the most sophisticated coloring contest ever. I can't make fun of them though. At least not more so than I already have.

Things to know about Oregon, and Warcraft too

I <3 the Internets! They're so silly. They brought you here, after all! But they brought other people here too, via some pretty awesome search strings. Two recent visitors searched for the following things, and Stupid is Better than Boring was one of the top results for each:

• AOL search for things to know about oregon
• Google search for funny slogan warcraft

First things first: Stupid is Better than Boring is obviously the #1 thing to know about Oregon, but I ain't too proud to provide a list of other things you should probably be aware of:

• 148 years ago yesterday, Oregon became a state
• There are 9 federally-recognized Native American tribal organizations in Oregon
• Ashland, Oregon hosts the most robust Shakespeare festival in the country
• Renowned film "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3" was filmed in Oregon
• According to Robert Putnam, and other smart people, Portland boasts more civic engagement than any other major city in the country
  
• Oregon has been on the cutting edge of public policy: The Minimum Wage, the Bottle Bill, Land Use Planning, Public Beaches, Death with Dignity, the Oregon Health Plan, and Vote by Mail -- all born here.

Second wayward visitor, I haven't forgotten about you. How could I? The twinkle in your eye, your special musk.... Ahem. Let's not get carried away. This is a family blog, after all. Anyway, because you are a Warcraft fan, and because you are probably wondering what the Bus is, I have created the following slogans especially for you:

• We like to talk about the Seven Es: Education, Election reform, Equal rights, Environment, Economic strength, 'ealth care, and Exterminating Orcs
• WoW! Get on the BuS!
• Not left, not right, but beyond the dark portal
• Bus Gala 2007: Reign of Chaos

Diapers and Dentures

This blog takes a small four-month break and an ELECTION happens?! Why didn't anybody TELL me about Diapers and Dentures? Muppets and Matlock?

Did you know that The Muppets was voted second only to The Simpsons on a poll the of 100 Greatest Kids' TV Shows conducted by a British television station?

Did you also know that Worzel Gummidge beat out Sesame Street? I am really starting to wonder about this list, especially because some of the names sound suspiciously, uh.. adult-oriented:

• Bod
• H.R. Pufnstuf
• Jim'll Fix it (I bet he'll fix the TV real good)
• Bagpuss (Seriously?)

STOP DISTRACTING ME. I didn't come here to talk about TV shows. I have an announcement! Actually, two of them.

First, we are hoping to provide frequent content on this here "Web Log." It might be fun, but it's more likely to be stupid. Second, there's a lot happening outside of the virtual world, believe it or not. So log off World of Warcraft and put down that bag of Doritos, and join a Bus Project committee, meeting in Portland just about every week. For example, you could help out with SDR*. It's like DDR, but with more nerds.


*SDR is short for Same-Day Registration, an amazing idea that improves voter access and puts the shine on a participatory democracy. Seven states already have it. But combined with our extant vote-by-mail system, SDR would pretty much make Oregon the most democratic state in the country -- AWESOME.

Canvassing 101, with a twist

Here at the Bus Project, we do NOT fuck around with solicitation. Any seasoned canvasser knows that this subject is fraught with peril.

I can picture it now: you're volunteering a weekend afternoon for a great progressive legislative candidate,and it's 100 degrees out. Your pits are soaked and your throat is parched. You waddle up a strange path and knock timidly on the strange door. Somebody opens, but remains hidden in the shadows. They take one look at you and your clipboard, and they let loose...

"Can't you read? NO. SOLICITING."

Crap! You hadn't seen the little sign on their door. Or, you chose to ignore it. Either way, this is a terribly vexing situation. The next few moments are crucial -- what do you do? Cower in fear? Run away? Attempt to explain that you're not a door-to-door salesman?

WRONG, DUMMY!

Because you are so dumb, I am going to write you a list. These are all tried-and-true responses to this difficult situation at the door.

The first option:

• "I'm not selling anything -- just democracy! Tee hee!"

If you can be cute and get away with it, then by all means, go with this one. If you are a large man with thick glasses, on the other hand, I would only recommend this approach if you are wearing diapers.

Second option: you can take a little trip down Irony Lane.

• "I'm not selling anything! Just this very fine vacuum cleaner."

I recommend carrying a vacuum cleaner with you on the off chance that the person at the door wants to inspect the device. But if you've perfected the vacuum cleaner bit and want more of a challenge, then I have a suggestion for you. The third option, and this is for advanced canvassers only:

• "I'm not soliciting! The mere accusation offends me. All I am doing is offering up my body in exchange for a set amount of the currency that is commonly accepted within these borders."

What a gem, if you can pull it off. Option number four:

• "I'm not soliciting. I just wanted to have a real conversation with you. I am genuinely interested in finding out what things about Oregon you truly hold dear!"

Please. Don't even think this codswallop will fly at the doorstep. They will Tonya Harding your ass faster than you can say "Carrot Top is a much better figure from the 1990s who has slid into laughable irrelevancy, Galen."

Electoral hunting with Sure Shot Dick

New direction for PolitCorps

After another fruitless PolitiCorps brainstorm session, which again descended into coarse slogan territory ("pubically-interested leaders"), Leon and Adam put their heads together, and decided to do something entirely different. Here's what they came up with:

Rejected PolitiCorps '07 slogans

Here at the Bus Project, we do NOT fuck around with slogans. What you're about to read is a sample of the rejected slogans for next summer's PolitiCorps program. PolitiCorps is one of the flagship programs of the Bus Project. It is a summer fellowship and a political leadership school where college students and recent graduates split their time between classes and political organizing. The fellows work campaign-style hours and for many, it's a first-time plunge into the real and often grueling work that comes with an election season. Without further ado, we present you with the list of rejects...

• PolitiCorps 2007: The dumb and boring need not apply
• PolitiCorps 2007: A coalition of the young and willing
• PolitiCorps 2007: A coalition of the young and marginally attractive
• PolitiCorps 2007: Highly-paid summer vacation
• PolitiCorps 2007: Highly-paid winter vacation (psst, it's actually in the summer)
• PolitiCorps 2007: Aborting political apathy
• PolitiCorps 2007: Burning the flag of apathy
• PolitiCorps 2007: Lighting a fire under the ass of democracy
• PolitiCorps 2007: Not just a school of fish navigating the waters of democracy
• PolitiCorps 2007: Enforcing democracy with an iron fist
  
• PolitiCorps 2007: Not like stuff you don't like
• PolitiCorps 2007: Driving leaders through the amber fields of public service
• PolitiCorps 2007: Probing for leaders
• PolitiCorps 2007: Choose your own adventure
• PolitiCorps 2007: An army of several
• PolitiCorps 2007: Drawing a line in the sand against Apathy Hussein
• PolitiCorps 2007: The Bus is coming, but not in a dirty way.
• PolitiCorps 2007: Training the Padawan for the Jedi of tomorrow (Low-Midichlorians need not apply). Awesome.
• PolitiCorps 2007: Riding the steed of democracy bareback with the chaps of the public interest (not in a dirty way).

Vote for your favorite, or suggest your own. Thwack!

Slithering through the grassroots

Here at the Bus Project, we do NOT fuck around with movie themes, especially following our tragic "Titanic"-themed trip, when two-thirds of the volunteers froze to death. That's why we chose "Snakes on a Bus" for our trip to Washington County this weekend, where we will talk with voters about renewable energy and progressive legislative candidate David Edwards.

"Snakes on a bus," you might know, has taken on its own colloquial meaning in contemporary popular culture. To thwart this amazing Bus Trip, our opponents seem bent on erasing every mention of that phrase from the interweb, and they would have succeeded, but before they got to Wiktionary, we managed to take a screenshot of the entry, and you can find it here. Snakes on a bus, friend!

What do snakes have to do with renewable energy, you might ask? OMG LOOK OVER THERE!!!!

Anyway, as we were in the middle of saying, the Bus believes that clean energy is a key component to healthy communities and a robust economy. And it's all possible through the legislature: we can help make Oregon a model for the country by electing progressive candidates who are willing to fight for the public interest, such as David Edwards. Join us for this trip, Saturday the 23rd, or the snakes will sneak up on you, and they will brutally attack you, and you immediately will feel the poison course through your veins. Rendered immobile, you are helpless to stop the beasts as they devour you completely. What a way to go. Don't let it happen to you.

Michael Crichton couldn't even write a runaway bestseller about this

Here at the Oregon Bus Project, we do NOT fuck around with chain letters, period. That's why we decided to send this to you: because everything in it is totally true, guaranteed. Seriously.

"I'm a Harvard Law graduate, and I can say with 100% certainty that this e-mail is not a hoax. Anybody who tells you it's a hoax is trying to trick you out of the sweet financial independence you deserve." - A Harvard Law graduate

"I used to be unemployed, unpopular, and a sex offender. Now I own controlling shares of one of the world's largest media conglomerates, and I owe it all to forwarding this e-mail to my 6 friends." - Rupert Murdoch

"I used to have it all. Friends, riches, a killer 8-track... I laughed and I laughed when I got this email... Now I'm serving 10-15 for embezzlement. I guess the Bus Project sure got the last laugh, on me." -Tom Hojem

If you don't send this e-mail to 10 people within the next 10 minutes, you will become afflicted with amnesia, bird flu, West Nile virus, the SARS, and amnesia. My aunt's friend thought he was too smart for an e-mail chain letter, and then BAM! Gonorrhea.

For every person you send this e-mail to, Bill Gates will pay you 470,000 Japanese Yen. For every person they forward it to, that rebel billionaire guy I saw on Fox in 2004 will pay you 4.7 million Canadian Acorns. This is not a trick. You're a few minutes away from total financial independence... or, the clap. The choice is yours.

Now that you know what's on the line, let me lay down for you what this is all about. For Saturday, August 12, we're organizing an event so huge, so colossal, and so awesome that even Michael Crichton couldn't write a runaway bestseller about it. We're meeting up in Eugene to volunteer for two fantastic legislative candidates, Vicki Walker and Chris Edwards.

Right about now, you must be thinking "Okay, but what's in it for me?" And now you're thinking, "That's amazing! How did he know what I was thinking?" Fair enough. I mean, your freedom is probably just going to defend itself, right? Don't be so naïve, Hansel and/or Gretel. Come on. Bread crumbs? Please.

Senator Walker is highly targeted by the northwest utilities that used to grossly overcharge consumers by exploiting a tax loophole, and Vicki closed that loophole. We all know that the legislators who stand up to special interests usually suffer for it. If we want to keep these kinds of leaders in Salem, we have to be willing to stand up and volunteer for them.

This is an extraordinarily tight district that could easily tip the balance of power in the Oregon State senate as well as yank the House from the deathgrip of the bad guys. Our precinct analysis tells us that a huge volunteer effort could be THE deciding factor in the outcome of this election. Direct conversation is the best way to engage voters, and statistically has the greatest impact on elections. Plus, you'll have fun. Expect frisbee, slip'n'slide, drinking, BBQ, and catch-the-greased-up-pig.

We need to make noise for progressive candidates with our proverbial pots and pans and many other clever alliterative phrases that we have in our quiver. Sign up now!

Go down to August 12 and fill in the appropriate fields, and then click "Submit" at the bottom of the page. Or, call the Bus Project at 503.233.3018 during normal business hours.

If you can't make it to this trip, we have a few other really important trips coming up, on August 26 and September 9 (sign up on the same page!). Feel free to save democracy on your own schedule.